Alzheimer’s Disease: My Mom — She Made a Difference
By Jonathan S Henes
In 2009, at the age of 63, my mother was interviewed and asked how she reacted when she found out she had Alzheimer’s Disease.
“I cried and said goodbye to myself… Then I stopped crying and decided I was going to go on with my life and see if I could make a difference.”
This was my quintessential mom. When faced with adversity, she would feel it, accept it and then move forward. And making a difference is what she was all about.
Today, as gender diversity in the workplace has gained so much importance, my mom would be looking on with pride and excitement, while thinking what took so long. My mom was a pioneer for gender diversity. She was and remains a role model.
In college, as part of my senior thesis, I traced my family’s roots back. I interviewed my family members, both to learn about my family’s history and about family members themselves. During that process, I interviewed my mom. I remember being in my parents’ kitchen, sitting across from her, asking her questions about her life. I remember her smiling eyes and vivid memories of her family and her own life. I would give anything to see the life behind her eyes one more time.
My mother graduated from Cornell University in the late 1960s. At Cornell, she met my dad. They married in June of 1967, when she was 21. At Cornell, they were part of the “hippie culture”.
“We were hippies. It was a very peaceful and caring time. We were not radicals, but there were radicals on campus….There was a war going on but there was a lot of peace, you know, ‘make love not war’ and ‘flower children.’”
After graduating, my parents left Cornell and moved to Connecticut, where my dad started his veterinary practice. On March 20, 1969, at the age of 22, my mom gave birth to me. A couple of years later, my parents moved to Hartsdale, New York, where they rented a garden apartment. At that time, my mom became involved in the women’s lib movement.
“It was great, wonderful. It was the first time I knew of that women got together and really talked openly. There was no competition. We all got together and met once a week. We were just married women with children. We just wanted to change the system a little bit. I think it helped. It made everyone more aware. Women’s Lib changed things. Where it used to be a woman either was a career woman or a mother, now a woman could do it all, if she wanted, although it is almost impossible.”
While my mother explained that being a career woman and a mother was almost impossible, she demonstrated the opposite — she did it all.
A few years after moving to Hartsdale, my father opened his own animal hospital in Croton-on-Hudson, New York. While my dad had the veterinary degree, he needed someone to run the business and my mom took on the role. She was in charge of the finances and was the friendly and caring face of Croton Animal Hospital. I remember vividly my mom, every night at home, “doing the books.” She was diligent and thoughtful and assured that the animal hospital was successful.
In November 1977, when my sister was born, my mom continued to do the books, but wasn’t present at the animal hospital as much. She was busy being a mom to me and my new sister. However, when my sister went to kindergarten, my mom decided to go back to school. My mom enrolled at Pace University — which was located close to our home — to get her MBA.
“I went back to school because I was running dad’s animal hospital as a business manager and I didn’t have any business training. Once I got it, I decided it was ridiculous to only use it for dad, after I put all that money and time into my degree, so I decided to open my own business.”
My mother became a financial planner and had a very successful business. Ironically, my mom’s first signs of Alzheimer’s Disease became apparent at work. My mom did not only display financial excellence, but she was also incredibly responsive and communicative. As Alzheimer’s Disease invaded her brain, her responsiveness and communication skills waned and clients noticed and became concerned. Her business partner witnessed these changes as well and spoke to my dad about it. Alzheimer’s Disease stole her mind and stole her financial planning business from her. It stole what she worked so hard to build — but her sacrifice and hard work wasn’t wasted.
My mom was a trailblazer. She did it all, which meant my father, sister and I had it all. She was a doting, caring, involved and loving mother. She always made time for my sister and me. At the same time, she ran my dad’s animal hospital and then stepped out on her own to get an MBA and start her own business. Her courage in following her dreams and the thoughtfulness of her approach make me so proud and inspired. In the current world, she would be so concerned by many things, but she would be so proud to see the changes at play — the diversity of the new faces in Congress, the focus on leveling the playing field in business, assuring the rules are fair and watching the first woman referee a NFL playoff game. I hope she knows — somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind, somewhere that Alzheimer’s Disease has not reached — that she was one of the forces for these changes.
My mom wanted to have it all. She wanted to be a mom and she wanted to have a career. She took small steps to accomplish this — starting with going to “women’s lib” meetings, then running my dad’s animal hospital and finally getting her MBA and starting her own business. By doing this she helped pave the way for others and set the state for future generations of women to have it all, making our world a better place. If I had to choose my mom’s motto it would be: “I just wanted to try to make a difference.” Well mom, you did.
